The word ‘love’ is very difficult to define. It varies with people, their situations, their emotion and the warmth of their feelings. Moreover, it’s such a confused and complex word if you add the term ‘true love’ with it. Does it really exist? With the utmost honesty, I can only convey my point of view in this context that love is a transitory thought of human mind in this fast, changing world. If anyone tells me that he or she has fallen in love, then my advice would be to flow with time; don’t make it claustrophobic and be in you always.
The funniest thing in it is that I can’t follow this very realization of mine. Through this advice, actually I make myself standing in front of the mirror of my own projection. In reality, it’s very tough to choose your own way when you have already spent a long time with somebody else and you have the memories from that relationship. Verbally it’s so easy to say ‘Good bye’ but in reality you are not always ready to take that voyage by your own. That’s the reason of our confinement- a ‘self-made confinement’. What we generally think or decide, that can’t be followed all the time. What a destiny!
According to my realisation and experience, I can only say that I had fallen in love in true sense but I can’t hold it for long as a ‘Life Time Achievement Award’. With the passing of time, the actual mesmerizing power of it was all lost. Suddenly I found myself alone amidst the crowd. Everything was as it is; only those hands were not there which I held tightly once upon a time…Very pathetically I found myself in the similar situation of Lamb. When I read his Essays of Elia, I didn’t realize his life-long pain and suffering and how those immortal writings were made. I only enjoyed his writings; his language; his tendency of playing with words. Now I can truly feel and live each and every word of Lamb. So I do believe that without any emotion and realization no real work of Art can be made.
It’s the confinement of my own mind that I can’t make myself ready to move forward and leave all the memories; all the responsibilities. So I don’t blame anyone. It’s not their fault. Sometimes, some relationship works well; sometimes not. That doesn’t mean that you need to quit. If you can live a life without any dream and wish, then be in yourself and live without any repentance. Live how much days you live with your own-self and without any expectation. I also do believe that some relationships become our habituation and so we can’t live without having them in spite of the fact that we only achieve ‘nothingness’. Nowadays I strongly realize that my life is nothing but a wastage. Once two people gave me this life out of their love and strong bonding with each other but the fruitfulness of their effort is missing- it’s the most pathetic part in this present life of mine.
Now the question is- “What will I do with this meaningless and frustrated life in future?” I also don’t know the answer of it. I don’t know how many days I’ll continue with this. I also don’t know whether anyone recognize my true efforts to make this relationship working. I really don’t know the answers. I am living a life of past, not a present one. Day-by-day I am realizing that I have become very tired to pave my own path of life and also I have become thirsty to fulfill my long-nourished dreams.I know that it’s impossible as nothing remains in it. Still I’m waiting for a beginning or an ending….